SOCCER SHAME: Jets promote hardship, WSW bandwagon tragedy and Socceroos predictions

Newcastle Jets make mockery of socioeconomic hardships

The city of Newcastle is known primarily for two things: the Newcastle Knights and its poor socioeconomic status. Currently, the unemployment rate in Newcastle sits at 535000000/100000000. An anonymous source revealed to FTSAL that just last week, she saw a homeless person outside Westfield Kotara. Times are grim.

The statistics continue to tell an ominous story. Unemployment rates among 15 to 19 year olds (the primary demographic for sports teams) in Newcastle has hit a startling 18.2%. A recent QUT study has linked youth unemployment with a rise in rates of depression which lowers motivation and morale. This is a very serious issue.

A spokesperson told FTSAL exclusively, “the joint is full off three toothed bogan deros! The wheels on their houses also go round all day long. They are the reason some family members shouldn’t have relations.”

And in the face of all this, the Newcastle Jets A-League franchise has the nerve to support and even idolise the practice of unemployment by firing their coach, Gary van Egmond. Despite leading his team to victories twice against league leaders, Brisbane Lions, the coach of Dutch heritage will now be relying on Centrelink to feed his family – joining a long line of fellow ethnics relying on the government for money.

Sure, he led the Jets into becoming the first team to lose to the Melbourne Heart in twenty games. Sure, he left them dwindling outside of the top six. And fair enough, the team was playing unattractive, disorganised soccer. But whatever happened to the true Aussie motto of “try, try again”? Is that not a premise overseas, where soccer is from, or could they not fit it on their boats while travelling over here with the sport? But what has been done is done, and Gary van Egmond can hardly afford an egg, let alone a van.

What sort of image are the Jets promoting with this action? The wrong one. Children who follow the team, probably already of low socioeconomic background and with terrible parents, will now think, “if the coach with the funny name can be unemployed, I can be too!”

Conversely, NRL team, the Newcastle Knights, continue to be a shining beacon of morals and virtue within the community. Demonstrating how utilisation of “the sack” should be implemented, the Knights recently fired forward Russell Packer after he was sentenced to two years’ jail for drunken assault. This is an example, among many, of the team presenting themselves as a good role model for Novocastrian youth, by discouraging poor behaviour. The Jets could learn a lot from the way their older, more attractive and more entertaining NRL cousins conduct themselves within society.

Wheels fall off Wanderers bandwagon, casualties

The Sydney Wanderers suffered a second straight loss, for the first time since their fairytale charge for the premiership last season took flight. FTSAL are hearing disturbing descriptions from eye witnesses about a reported Wanderers “bandwagon” losing its wheels, likely resulting in injury and potentially death.

It is unclear why Wanderers fans are still using bandwagons, instead of cars or more modern vehicles. However, we have been made aware that their supporters group, the RBB, had a “Tour of Duty” to their game in Adelaide this week – it is likely that in this expedition, their fans made use of a bandwagon, simply unable to afford alternative means of transport into South Australia.

After their loss against Adelaide, reports reveal that the wheels on the Wanderers’ bandwagon appeared to fall off instantaneously. While no official word from police or authorities has been released, FTSAL experts predict that potentially hundreds of people have been injured and some even losing their lives. This is a tragedy, symptomatic to soccer support.

A dark underside to this story has made its way out of the shadows, with the potential to shatter the soccer world. Could this catastrophe have been sparked deliberately? Sources have told us that the bandwagon crash was directly due to the Wanderers’ consecutive losses – were the wheels, then, intentionally removed from the vehicle in an act of anger and frustration?

This sounds much like the sort of antics Western Sydney fans have plagued the country and sport with throughout the last two years, and thus is likely true. In this case, they have gone disastrously too far, potentially resulting in the loss of life and irreparable damage to one of Australia’s few remaining, functioning bandwagons. Hopefully police and the legal system deal with this matter harshly – perhaps banning soccer from our country.

Robbie Kruse injured, FTSAL experts predict new starting eleven         

Australian soccer fans were dealt a huge blow yesterday after it was revealed that star winger, Robbie Kruse, has injured his ACL – ruling him out of the World Cup in Brazil. This is devastating not only for our country, but for Robbie himself  – a true hero who, unlike other soccer players, showed proper Australian spirit by actually being injured instead of merely diving.

Pacey and dynamic, Kruse has cemented himself in recent times as the Socceroos best player – plying his trade in Germany for Buy A Leverkusen. In perhaps the toughest World Cup group, the Socceroos will struggle to make up for the injured star’s talent.

FTSAL experts took some time out from watching the AFL and Rugby to predict how the Socceroos might line up in Brazil, without Kruse:

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