Dear Perth Glory Fans
Dear Perth Glory fans,
As you may or may not now, memberships for the upcoming 2015/16 are now on sale! We would like to invite you, as loyal fans, to secure your season ticket for next season.
After a month of promotion, we are delighted to announce a grand total of 2,000 fans have chosen to renew their memberships. Unfortunately, for some strange reason, that leaves 4,298 members from last season have chosen not to renew.
Whilst we are disappointed, we are sure the fans will come around. In an attempt to sway those who are still on the fence about renewing, we thought it would be a great idea to show you where your money will be going. If you are reading this letter and are one of those who have not yet purchased a membership, here are some reasons you should immediately buy a season ticket!
- Uncle Tony needs you
You know Tony “Soprano” Sage? All round nice guy (despite what those big meanies at the Australian Federal Police might say), pours his heart and soul into the club, does a fantastic job of running Perth Glory etc. Well, as the owner, he needs the team to make money. Memberships are a big part of the club’s income and without it, well, Tone might decide he’s had enough of running the club and walk away. You wouldn’t want to make Uncle Tony sad, would you?
- Come see the next Danny Vukovic and Scott Jamieson!
If you buy a membership for next season, you’ll be able to watch players who have been labelled as “the next Danny Vukovic” or “the future Scott Jamieson”. Of course, due to our salary cap infringements last year, you won’t actually be able to see players like the current Danny Vukovic and Scott Jamieson. But hey, who knows, maybe Antony Golec will turn out to be even better than Jamieson?
- George the Glory Gorilla needs feeding
Research says one in ten A-League mascots is underfed. That mascot is George, the Glory Gorilla. And he desperately needs your help. Experts believe if George continues to go without adequate food and water, he’ll be replaced by another mascot by the start of next season. But you can help. If you buy a membership, $2 will go towards providing George with food. With your help, you can make a difference in a mascot. Remember; George likes his chicken spicy.
- Our ‘Golden Oldies’ fund needs more money.
As you may know, Perth has a proud tradition of buying older players towards the end of their career, normally on exuberant wages. Whilst some teams prefer to nurture their gifted youth team products, we prefer to sit them on the bench for two years and watch the older players show them how to play, before the youngsters selfishly decide to move on and become good players at other clubs. Despite last year’s salary cap kerfuffle coming as a direct result of overpaying veteran players, Perth Glory stand firm on their experience first policy. But to continue to ensure a bright future for the older players at the club, we need your money.
- Social Media Training
As you may or may not have noticed, our social media team has come in for a lot of criticism over the last year. Biased coverage, childish name-calling, swearing, offensive comments and cringe-worthy hashtags are just some of the accusations levelled at us. Yeah, we know, #hatersgonnahate. Luckily, with your money, we plan to ship our social media boffins off to Social Media Boot Camp, where they’ll be trained in areas such as using memes and gifs to get cheap retweets and favourites, and learning how to not tarnish the club’s already slightly-soiled image.
- New Equipment
Our pre-season is off to a strong start, but unfortunately, it has been blighted by a lack of equipment. The most pressing concern is the lack of balls available at training. The majority of them were lost one faithful January afternoon, when Ruben Zadkovich decided to use them for some long-range shooting practice. Predictably, they have not been seen since. If you purchase a season membership, some of the money will be used to buy new footballs, along with a bouncer named Gary, who will do his best to keep Ruben from shooting practice at all times.
Ashley & Martin’s Midfield Hair Treatment.
Let’s be honest; our midfield aren’t known for their flowing locks. It’s time that changed. We’ve contacted Ashley and Martin, and they believe it’ll be no time before we see Richie Garcia rocking the mullet, or Nebo sporting one of those hipster cuts all the kids seem to be wearing these days. It’s not going to be cheap, but we believe their hair after the treatment will attract bigger crowds than Del Piero did during his time in Sydney!
All these reasons are a superb argument in favour of re-joining the Glory next year. We believe with your continued support at NIB Stadium, we’ll be able to (legally) top the table come season’s end. We hope to see you there for our first home game in 2015/2016!
#WestVsRest
Warm regards,
Perth Glory Football Club.
Follow Ben Smith on twitter @BenSmith94
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